An intensely interesting child of an intensely interesting mother.Her life story is split into four parts.

ABOUT HER

• Home

HER STORY

TRIGGER WARNINGS
for eating disorder (bulimia), verbal abuse, suicidal thoughts.
CONTENT WARNINGS
for swearing, undiagnosed parent with narcissistic tendencies.

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧❅───•

Delft, 2005년 05월 10일 - 2013년 08월 XX일“Well, at least she’s healthy.” Jang Seokhwa couldn’t even mask her disappointment once the 5 pound baby girl was handed into her arms. She was hoping that this time, a boy would be born into the world instead of a girl. She’s already had a beautiful, lovely daughter five years older than this one, so there’s no necessity to have yet another daughter. Ever since the ultrasound result of her second child came out, she was already not expecting it… Whatever the baby is. There’s no cries of joy and merry that came from the mouth of Jang Seokhwa, the former Miss Korea of 1990 once she saw the baby girl cradled in her arms, not like the first time she gave birth to her firstborn, smiling and saying proudly how beautiful and lovely Kwon Haeun was.The beauty queen hails from the aristocratic family of Jang, known for their line of producing the greatest tacticians of the Republic of Korea. The men are leaders, the women are socialites living at the top of the food chain. Jang Seokhwa’s younger brother is none other than an air force captain of the country, Jang Seokho. And she herself is known for her immense beauty, although it comes with a cost.Nevertheless, she tried her best and took great care of the said younger daughter, nicknaming her Hazel due to the honey-caramel, hazeled reflection in her eyes the first time she saw her. Her husband, Kwon Kyungwan, was doing his doctorate at TU Delft at the time, on his way to earn his final degree for Industrial Design, and thus the family was staying at Delft for a period of time.The Kwon family lived a comfortable life. At first, at least. The pair of husband and wife has two daughters, the first child is Kwon Haeun, born 2000, and the second is Kwon Haseul, born 2005. Haeun was the prettiest among the two, everyone could see her gracefulness even from afar, and she always did well with her school. Always, always earning the top rank at school at such a young age. They say that she has the beauty of her mother and the brain of her father. Meanwhile Haseul, she was only a background noise, the daughter her mother never wanted because she was hoping for a boy.

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧❅───•

Delft, 2013년 08월 XX일 - 2015년 06월 XX일But…It wasn’t long before tragedy struck the once harmonious family.Haeun was diagnosed with a lethal disease and died in the early summer of 2015. She was only 15, battling blood cancer—or better known as leukemia—ever since she was 13.Haseul was only turning 8 years old when the news of her sister’s diagnosis came out, it was unfathomable for her that her sister was suffering deeply at that time, as she can still be seen playing with her barbie dolls when one day her mother came home and destroyed her dollhouse, unprovoked, throwing all of her toys out of the window to Haseul’s dismay and ignorance, only crying throughout the whole scene as her mother casted away her dolls straight to the dumpster.“Toys out! No more toys for you starting from today.” Jang Seokhwa gritted her teeth, exploding with anger as the young girl cowered in fear. Her father is nowhere to be found, only the nannies and the servants knew, but they pretended to not hear unless they wanted to be jobless the next day for standing up against the young girl.“Your unnie is very sick in the hospital and is unable to play at all, and here you are, being so oblivious to the rest of the world and playing a fucking— barbie doll. You ungrateful child, how could you— be so oblivious?”“Eomma…” Haseul could only cry then, not understanding her mother’s anger as tears streamed down her face. Not understanding why, all of a sudden, there’s no motherly warmth exuding from the woman in front of her.During the hard days, she would wait with a flicker of hope that someday her sister would return to her, to protect her from the vicious verbal abuse their mother said to her, but no such luck. If anything, Haeun’s condition becomes worse.“Haseul-ah… unnie isn’t going anywhere, unnie is just about to move someplace else, and I’m really, really, sorry that you have to go through this, but I’m not leaving you, okay? Someday we’ll be together again, so please take care of eomma and appa, hmm? Can you do that for unnie?”“Is that a promise? That we’ll be together again?” A flicker of hope is what a 10 year old needs, stuck between the harsh decision to let her unnie go or beg her to stay. She had a feeling that if she were to beg, it wouldn’t do much to save Haeun’s life.“I promise. We’ll be together again.” With her hand reaching out, the pair of sisters made pinky promises.So Haseul lets go.And it wasn’t long before Haseul became a disappointment to her mother.

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧❅───•

Seoul, 2015년 06월 XX일 - 2016년 06월 XX일They moved back to their home country in 2015 to take care of Haeun’s worsening condition. Alas, even though they’ve given her everything, she still can’t be saved. All that effort and money they put out can’t save their first daughter’s life. Her father became increasingly alcoholic and her mother became, well, abusive towards her.When she succeeds, Jang Seokhwa would say, “You’re successful because of me. This is my hard work and perseverance that makes you win. You can never do this without me, Hazel-ah.” She ends up taking all the credits that Haseul has rightfully earned.Haseul sometimes thinks that her mother prefers her more beautiful, perfect sister than her who would never be perfect in her mother’s eyes. In Jang Seokhwa’s eyes, Haeun is flawless, and Haseul is just a replacement for the child she’s always wanted to have but gone too soon.They’re two different entities even though they’re sisters, yet Jang Seokhwa insisted that they’re one and the same, and Haseul could reach the same milestone her late sister did.Yet when Haseul loses, Jang Seokhwa would instead say, “This is all your fault, I’ve never taught you to be this way, no wonder why no boys would ever date you. Look at YOU. What a good for nothing child.”Other times, their encounter would go like this:- “Haeun would do better.”
- “Haeun would no doubt snatch the top spot.”
- “Haeun would’ve never let me down.”
- “Haeun”, “Haeun”, it’s always, “Haeun…” and never “Hazel…”Haeun this, Haeun that. Haeun is dead. And Haseul is trying, goddamnit! She’s trying her best, why can’t her mother see that?It’s no surprise to say that she suffers from insecurities and an inferiority complex due to the constant abuse Jang Seokhwa did.

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧❅───•

Seoul, 2017년 - 현시점 (present)As she grows up during her adolescent years, it becomes apparent that her mother makes it her mission for Hazel to get what she thinks is the best for her, including enrolling her in art classes: such as acting classes, dancing classes, singing classes, piano lessons, to name a few, and they all exhaust her. She’s a homebody at heart who just wants to spend her days lazing around and reading books and thinks that she can get the highest remarks on her studies—if only her mother wasn’t forcing her around artistic pursuit.One thing she knows is that she loves singing and she can belt high notes easily. She tries to showcase her talent by joining choirs, both for regional and church purposes, but she would love to sing solo, too, someday.Honestly, she’s tried applying to various entertainment companies to recruit her as a trainee, but she just lacks the motivation and talent even if her face is good for marketing. None of the companies accept her as a trainee, and it makes her mother furious. Jang Seokhwa pushes her again, this time trying to propel her daughter to stardom by being a model. Well, if her singing career doesn’t take off, she can always use her face for modeling. Why not? To Jang Seokhwa, her Haseul has the look and the height and she has to maintain her weight.Skinny, skinny.“Spit it out! You’re on diet.” Haseul finds herself saying it like a mantra once she realizes that she’s been overeating. She doesn’t know whether she says it in her head or out loud, the room is spinning in circles as she vomits everything in her stomach until it feels empty.It became a routine, an addiction for her, even.Greek yogurt, 130 calories.Oats, 148 calories.Chicken drumsticks, 172 calories.Broth soup, 267 calories.Açaí berries, eggs, chia seeds, fish, cottage cheese… She memorizes almost all foods’ calories well by heart. There are certain safe foods to eat for her, but once her insatiable hunger comes, she would forget that she needs to eat those safe foods and just… Eats. Eats. Eats. Eats until she overeats and feels bad for overeating.Then she would start exercising until the calories from her supper are burned.And if it’s not enough, she would empty her stomach by forcibly vomiting her guts out.She also took pills to suppress her appetite.It’s a cycle, it’s a vicious circle.…Oh, did she mention that her mother also enrolls her in the best private school the town has to offer, even though Haseul knew she was just average in art? She totally did. So now she’s in her second year in Gyeonghan High School, belonging in the Artem Deft’s Ring of Echelon.Mother knows best, they say. I did this because I love you, she says.At this point, Haseul just wants her suffering to end.… Unnie, if I follow you to heaven, it wouldn’t be a burden for you, right? You’ll wait for me, right? You promised you would.If she took too much of her father’s sleeping pills, it would help her reach Haeun, right?

• Home

Personality traits

Haseul is plain, sweet, and yet has no clear path on what to do in the future because her mother always says that she would never succeed if she’s just average at everything she does. But she is an expert at masking her suffering. People can mistake her as a cold person because of her icy aura, but she’s a warm person at heart, and she’s actually average at what she does, people just think that she’s great because she’s faking it. Once someone gets close to her, she smiles and laughs a lot. She’s an expert at hiding her pain behind her smile.Instead of art, she wants to pursue an academic path because she’s a studious person, but she can’t just change direction towards something her mother has crafted for her. She knows that she’s booksmart, but she’s not rebellious. She doesn’t have a rebellious streak in her even though she badly wants to free the shackles of her mother’s grip on her.She dresses nicely, her sense of fashion comes to her easily because her life is surrounded by editorial photoshoots.She is eloquent, she’d like to think that she gets along with people around her, including her classmates. She doesn’t find it hard to make friends with new people, attracting—or alluring them—to talk to her.She has a lot of things on her mind but can never stick with one one hobby for too long as she gets distracted easily and sometimes puts off her work and projects for weeks or maybe even months.People would think that they know her, but the truth is, they don’t know her at all. Would they still be accepting once they find out that she’s not what they think she is? Or would they turn their backs on her?

• Home

Contact

Written by Akiva

• Twitter
• Home